i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
