scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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