The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
