So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
