She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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