I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
