At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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