oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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