I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
