u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
