Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
