I want to stick my p in your. b.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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