MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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