btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
