tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
