my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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