Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
