So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
