I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
