Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
