And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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