I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
