you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
