can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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