I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
