I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
