just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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