I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
