So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
