Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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