..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
