i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
