I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
