3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
