I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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