WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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