i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
