But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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