Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
