If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
