Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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