What a fucking waste of an outfit
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
