Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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