if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
