I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
