Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
