letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
