My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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