I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
