It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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